eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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