if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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