We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
