We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
of course. lets lasso hookers.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
