i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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