Define "chronic" masturbator.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
