Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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