you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize