I am puke
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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