Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
