My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
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She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
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I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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