Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
