Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
