I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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