He asked me if I "almost moaned"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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