After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
