I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
