Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
