Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Terrible idea I love it
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
