Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize