I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
