I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
