So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
