It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
