got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
i need some magic done to my vagina
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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