A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
