Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
