What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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