i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
