It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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