so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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