i just wanna soil my oats bro
North Korea, Best Korea!
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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