worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
