clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
