Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
