I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
