I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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