your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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