I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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