a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We're too hungover to prance.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
as a side note pls kill me
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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