quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Welp...herpes.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
