ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
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