im drinking this country out of the recession.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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