STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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