So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
