Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
