Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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