New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
