so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
