I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
