Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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