I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
