The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
