It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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