Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
