I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
