I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
